Bittersweet Promise
by Crystal Snowflakes
Summary: [Chapter 1] Even after the visit to the Spirit World eight years ago, Chihiro Ogino still has faith that a certain river God will keep his promise... Will he?
1. Prologue: Regrets

Prologue or One-Shot?

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: Well, this is meant to be a one-shot due to the inspiration I've gotten from reading a few 'Spirited Away' fic...  But if I'm inspired even after this, I may continue onwards.  Thank you for all of those who will be reading this.  I appreciate it.  First 'Spirited Away' fic =]

"Will we ever meet again?"  I asked _him_.  My heart fluttered, but saddened at the thought that he'd say 'no'.  I didn't want to be rejected.  Suddenly, I wanted to take that question back.

"Yes, we will."  He replied and gave me a reassuring smile.

The saddening thought vanished from my mind and my heart continued to flutter, despite my effort of trying to calm it down.  I did not have a single idea why I was acting like so.  It was the first time I have felt this for something.  What is it?  What is it that I am feeling?  "It's a promise?"  I asked him regretfully as I looked down.  I felt his hand on my shoulder and I looked up dejectedly.

"It's a promise.  Now go, and don't look back."  He turned me around and gave me a gentle push on the shoulder.

I didn't need another push.  I walked down the steps as he trailed behind me with my hands clasped into his tightly, but protectively.  Finally, he let go of my hand and I looked at him one last time, his image and his eyes forever graved into my memory.  Then I turned around.  And I walked farther and farther away from him.  And I wanted to look back...  But he had said specifically not to, so I listened.

When I reached my parents, I finally looked back, and if anyone were see me at that exact moment, they would've seen the longing clear in my eyes.  It felt like a part of me had just died...  And it felt like...  It felt like we were going to be apart forever...

_Haku__..._

* * * * *

Once again, I sat up in my bed, sweating, memories of his promise plaguing my entire mind.  I felt a sob come to my throat and I chocked it down, but knowing that sooner or later, I would end up breaking down in tears, once again, all alone.  Always alone.

How many years has it been that I've felt this emptiness in my heart?

It's been so long...  It was such a painful progress...  Growing up and see your friends start dating.  See them with guys they fancy and see them hug, kiss and whisper sweet nothings in their lover's ears.  There are times I really wished that I had never met him, so I could live my life like a normal girl without any hindrances, but I know, deep inside my soul, that I would never have given up these memories and that I would have rather died than have forgotten it.  The memories of him and the young and innocent love we shared...

_Haku__..._

Everyday, every night, and every second of the day, I regretted.  I regret never having told him my feelings for him, I regret never having kissed him.  But how was I to know that I was in love with him?  I was only ten at the time...  I was too innocent, naïve and young to comprehend such a strong emotion.  I know what we shared between the two of us was more than friendship, but at the time, I had no idea...  I had no idea that it was love that I felt for him.

Every second of the day, I wonder if he'd keep his promise.  I have faith in him, even after eight long and painful years.  Eight years of longing and yearning for him and his existence.  Eight years of longing for the day that the promise will be kept.  I have never laid my eyes on another guy, knowing that there would be no other that could fill in the gaping hole residing in my heart.  I wanted him and only him.  That was my life long dream and wish.  I wanted him.  My Haku.

My family and friend had asked me over and over again why I have never dated any guy, but I have never, not even once, told another soul about my bittersweet journey to the Spirit World.  It was something sacred at clandestine.  It was something I felt that could not be told to a single soul.  It was my secret.  No one else's.  Nor was it anyone else's business.  They had no right to know...  And plus...they would only ridicule me, they would tell me it was all a dream, merely a childhood fantasy, or they would think that I was insane and place in me an insane asylum.  Or they could always get me a psychologist.  Yeah, all the more reasons for me to tell them.  Not.

The thought of me dreaming about the Spirit World had really come to me once, and only once.  What I have gone through during the time, who I have met, what I had done, and what I had shared with Haku...  It was all too real.  It could not be my childish imagination or fantasy.  It was reality.

The people closest to me had even once thought that I was not interested in the opposite sex, but in the same sex.  I had thrown a tantrum about it, then I had denied it with vigor, finally, I reassured them otherwise and I was not a lesbian, but straight.  I was, by no means, against any homosexuals.

Quietly, I stood up from my bed and walked to the window, my footsteps barely audible due to the carpet.  Gently, I opened the window.  I felt the wind contact my face with force and I sighed sadly.  The silky light blue curtains of the window fluttered beautifully and gently, reminding me of rivers.  Then I heard the lake near my apartment.  The tender sounds of splashing water had calmed me down...  Somehow...

But I suddenly felt something from to my chest.  Something painful, but familiar.  Something heart wrenching, but at the same time, it had gotten me to feel painful.  I felt my eyes sting and water, I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

_Haku__..._

_How is it that after so many years, the pain has never once eased?  Why is it that it grows with every passing second?_

Shaking my head softly, I let the grief consume me as my body shook with sobs.  I looked outside the window at the stunning surroundings as I stood motionless, not wanting to move and only wanting a certain someone to hold me into their arms.  My lifelong dream.

My faith for him has never wavered, nor had it ever, and it never will.  But it would not be long before I could not take this pain...  Eight years...  For eight years, I have cried every night.  I had let my grief devour my soul away.  I still have faith in him, and I had only wished that I had done one thing eight years ago.  I wished that I had told him this before I had left him for a long time...  I wish...

_Haku__..._

_I'm in love with you.  I've been in love with you for eight years.  Remember our promise?  When our promise is fulfilled, then my life will be complete and utterly whole.  I miss you so much.  It is so painful not being able to see or hear you.  Please...  I cannot stand not seeing you any longer..._

_Where are you?_

_I love you Haku._

* * * * *

Author's Notes: Well, that was that.  I hoped you enjoyed it!


	2. Chapter 1: Unexpected

Chapter 1

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes:

Disclaimers: Anything that has to do with 'Spirited Away' does **not** belong to me.

My eyes flickered open and I found myself biting back a whimper.  During the night sometime, I had fallen asleep after my nightly grieving...  And I had fallen asleep with my back against the wall, my arm limp by my side, my legs twisted at different disturbing angles and my neck drooping.  I was quite aware that I was not getting any younger, but that being said, I was, by no means, an old fart.

My back ached from the uncomfortable position it had to deal with throughout the whole night, my neck cracked with ferocity and when I tired to stand up to get ready for work, my whole body groaned in protest and in pain.

There was no way I could handle this.  Work everyday except Sundays, no sleep during any nights...  Early wakeup time...  Yes, early on Sundays as well.  That day was my sacred day.  Mine and mine alone.  I have never spent my Sunday with anyone...  Always alone.  Maybe one day...Just maybe one day, it might change.  And by that, I mean if a certain river spirit plans on carrying out his promise.  Sundays were wasted to drive to where my parents lived, the house where we had moved to eight years ago.  Rarely do I ever visit.  There were those Sundays when I stayed in my apartment and did nothing as well.

Every Sunday practically, I find myself at the red building, the tunnel to my happiness right across me with the statue glaring with menace at me.  I'm always at the entrance, sitting there, feeling nostalgic by the memories the big red building has provoked.  When I first moved out and visited, I was always contented to be at a distance, but lately, I seem to want to be nearer...  But I was unwilling to go in the tunnels, however.

Haku would not have wanted me to go in.  He would have been worried about me if I had gone.  He would have wanted me to stay safe in my own world until he came and fulfilled his promise.  If he ever did.  But I always thought of his fulfilling his promise the same as rescuing me from this life I had personally named "my hellhole".

I shook my thoughts out of my head.  Oh did I feel sick.  And tired.  And sick.  It seemed like my stomach was doing aerobics, badly, mind you, but still.  It was flipping itself inside out and to be truthful, I wanted to rush to the washroom and empty all the contents from my stomach.  But of course, I ended up only managing to upset my stomach even more by attempting to throw anything up.  All that came up was my stomach acid, which made my throat burn afterwards.

Groaning with pain again, I stood up from my crouching position and looked at the mirror.  So pale...  Shaking my head, I splashed water on my face, hoping that it would clear my thoughts and refresh me.  I clearly needed that badly.  Work was in one hour, and I really, absolutely, needed to not go to work and fall asleep.  Or...  I could call in sick.  I saw my nose wrinkle up on the mirror.  I was sick, of course.  More like I felt sick anyways, but that was no reason for me to call in sick.

Pushing the thoughts out of my head again, I concentrated on getting ready for work.  I brushed my teeth, washed my face, brushed my hair and put it up in a bun.  I had stopped putting it in a ponytail after high school.  It didn't seem to make me more mature, even though I had a childish glow to my face.  I had long ago given up on makeup.  During high school, I did wear it sometimes, but I figured, if there was nobody to show, then why bother wasting so much time on it?  After all, the other male I wanted to look at me was really _him_.  Haku.

I then went to my room and got my uniform out.  The uniform was almost completely white.  White pants, t-shirt and hat, with a burgundy strip for the hat and the rim of the t-shirt.  I slipped on the t-shirt, and then I grabbed a pair of jeans out of my closet, slipped those on as well and packed the hat and the pants into my bag.  Before hurrying out the door, I grabbed my name tag that was in burgundy, but with a white font, that wrote my name.  'Chihiro'.

Making sure one last time I didn't leave anything behind, I grabbed a piece of leftover bread and my spring jacket, then left.  I drove to my workplace all the white eating the piece of bread, my stomach growling for more food afterwards, but I just ignored it.  The drive took me a little while and when I drove past a park that I had driven past for the last couple of months, I noticed the sakura that were blooming.  In a couple of days, they would flutter gently down, the scenery admired by thousands, maybe even millions.

A wistful smile came to my lips.

And then, I arrived.  I parked my car, not exactly in the most professional way, and went to the back alley and into my workplace.  I ran the doorbell and in a couple seconds, the door opened.  Another individual were dressed the same way as I was.  I greeted her, "Ayumi.  How are you doing today?"

"Great!  How are you Chihiro?"

I shrugged, "Not too horrible.  Just bad sleeping again, but I'm used to it."  I smiled softly.  "Either way, I better get going, seems like there's quite a lot of people."

Ayumi nodded "Well, it is Saturday, the busiest day of all.  Well then, I'll stop bothering you, go change and we'll see you at the front!"

I smiled again when she turned around to go serve the mob of customers.  Quickly, I took my pay check for these two weeks, and then I grabbed my stuff into the washroom and changed.  When I came out, I stuffed my bag into a cubbyhole and walked out.  The crowd had dispersed a little, so I took my time to log on the computers, and then I checked the black journal we all wrote in for special requests.  Nothing new.

I put the black journal back where it should be and I began to serve the customers...

For seven hours, I worked non-stop, not taking my break.  It was already four when my shifted ended, so I grabbed a few snacks for myself.  A ham and cheese croissant, apricot delight roll and a berry scroll.  It was this bread store company that had been moved here from Australia and I was surprised we had so many customers, actually.

After my seven hour shift, I went to the coffee shop a couple stores down and ordered a hot chocolate and chocolate muffin and sat down comfortably while I read the newspaper for the day and sipped my hot chocolate slowly.  My friends said that I looked so innocent when I was drinking my hot chocolate.  They said I seemed so carefree.  I just smiled.  There was always this child in me that rarely came out, but did at times.

Finishing my muffin and drink half an hour later while reading the normal news and amusing myself immensely with the comics, I stood up and walked out the door.  I sauntered into my car and turned on the ignition for the car, then began my drive home.

When I parked my car down in the parking, I felt the most peculiar gaze on me.  Familiar, yet not.  I narrowed my eyes and glanced around, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone.  After quite a few moments of glancing around stupidly like a moron, I shook my head.  I must be hallucinating.  Sighing, I took the elevator up my apartment.

When I stepped into my apartment, all thoughts of the garage incident had vanished from my mind.  I grabbed some extra clothes and went into the shower to rid the smell of the bakery.

By the time I got out of the shower, it was already 4:53.  Sighing softly yet again, I sank into the loveseat and curled up while I grabbed the book thrown carelessly on the coffee table.  I turned on my stereo and had my classical music playing while I relaxed myself and started reading.

A few pages later, I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier until a while later, I shut them for a minute and willed them to open, for that little while, I read another half a page and after a moment's hesitation, I closed my eyes, a comforting feeling of darkness descended upon me.  I was exhausted...  And plus...  Why bother trying to stay up?  I had no plans...  I felt the book slip from my finger and that was the last thing I knew.

_Until...___

**_RIIIIIING!  RIIIIIING!  RIIIIIING!_**

I was awoken by my cell phone.  It was ringing like a maniac.  Groaning, I sat up and went to grab it, where I had previously left on the coffee table.

"Hello?"  I asked as I attempted to stifle a yawn and rub the sleep from my eyes.  I had no idea what time I had slept at, nor did I have any idea of what time it was currently.  But the sky was dark and the sun was set.

I snapped out of my reverie when I heard yelling and it was then I noticed the cell phone in my hand next to my ear.  "CHIHIRO!"

"What?"  I snapped.

"It's Yume."  I nodded, waiting for her to go on, "You just kind of zoned out on me there.  What's on your mind?"

I mumbled a feeble 'nothing' to her.

"Look, there's clearly something wrong with you.  Tell me.  Now.  This instant."

I sighed, "Yume, you're sounding more like my mother everyday, I swear.  Either way, I was just having a nap when you called.  Scared me when it rang, and plus, I'm just a little out of it.  That's all."

"Oh."  She sounded quite embarrassed.  Then her voice changed.  She sounded so...sweet.  So...so overly fake sweet.  I cringed, "Chihiro dear?"

I gulped, "Yes Yume?  What do you want?"  I replied uneasily.

I could practically hear the wheels in her head turning, I could see her eyes flicker with amusement and I could picture with perfection how her grin would be.  Then she surprised me.  "What to go see a movie with Momoko, Kenshu and I?"

I relaxed instantly, "You and your boyfriend."  I rolled my eyes, knowing fully well she could not see it, but she could picture it clearly.  "It's me and Mo again, I guess."

"Yep."  She said without hesitation, "So you coming?"

"Maybe.  What movie?"

"Don't know...  We'll wing it, I guess.  We always do.  But either way, my house at eight, how does that sound?"

I started walking towards the bedroom, "Sounds good.  I'll see if I feel like coming.  What time is it right now?"  
"Six-ish.  Either way, I'm going.  Hope you come."

"Bye."  I heard Kenshu's voice in the background when I was about to hang up, then Yume...  But...

"Oh, and-"  I hung up already, too fast, it seems.  I contemplated on phoning her back, but I figured she didn't have anything of importance to say.  And either way, if she did, she would've phoned back.

I went into the washroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth.  My mouth stank.  Then I grabbed a pale green sweater, which was really more like a turtleneck and I wore it.  Next, I slipped on a pair of jeans and a pair of socks.

I then returned to the washroom and brushed my hair until the knots vanished, then I proceeded to tie it up in a bun.  I looked in the mirror.  I was slightly flushed, my skin's complexions made me think of a young teenage girl going on her first date.  Too bad I've never really been on a date.

_I wish you were here though..._

Brushing my thoughts away, I noticed I had used less time than I intended to do.  Smiling to myself and patting myself mentally, I decided to be early this one time.

When I stepped into the parking lot again, thoughts of this afternoon entered my head, but when I felt no fear radiating from my instincts, I relaxed myself and climbed into the car and began driving away.

I got there ten minutes early.  When I had rang the doorbell, Kenshu was surprised to see me.

"Chihiro!  You're early!"

I rolled my eyes, half tempted to tell him to shut up, but I didn't, "Yeah, yeah.  I know I'm always late."  I was going to give him my greeting when I spotted a head with raven black hair flying in every direction.  I froze.

He came closer.  "Chihiro...  You came early."

"Er...  Yes...  I did, didn't I?"  I said quite awkwardly.

He grabbed my arm when I tried to get away, "Where do you think you're going love?  So have you thought about the date yet?"

I cringed, "Just going to greet Yume!"  I exclaimed before I dashed out of the hellhole.  I heard Kenshu's laughter and Tetsu's cursing.  I ran into Yume's room and slammed the door shut behind me.

"Chihiro."  Momoko said, "Didn't expect you to be early."  I was still gasping for air, "I see you've greeted your secret admirer already."

"Shut up."  I snapped.  She smirked playfully.

Yume spoke up, "Sorry Chihiro.  I didn't mean to invite him, but he just came."

"I see..."

"But..."  I looked at her sharply, "But Kenshu invited another friend."

I groaned and buried my face in my hands, then looked up "Why have I not been told?"

"Because sweetie," Yume frowned, "You hung up on me.  You deserved it."

I sighed dejectedly, "Fine, fine.  Who is it?"

"Who knows.  Someone new to Kenshu's class is all I know."

Mumbling under my breath, I said, "I just hope it's not someone as bad as Tetsu.  He's horrible and unbelievably annoying and irritating.  And frustrating!"

Momoko and Yume laughed.  I hushed them up.

At 8:10, I walked out of Yume's room to ask the guys when we would be leaving when I heard the phone being hung up on and I went to see what was wrong.  "Hey."

"Hey."  Kenshu replied.

"When's your friend coming?"

Kenshu looked at me, "Oh, he just called.  Said he'd be slightly late, so he told us to meet him at the movie theater.  So we're going to go now."

I nodded, "I'll call Yume and Momoko."

"Yeah, you do that.  I'll go get the car with Tetsu, come when you guys are ready."  Kenshu waved at me, and then departed.  Tetsu gave me a wink and followed.  I gave a shudder.

I glanced at the door where they had both disappeared and wondered what I was standing there for.  Sighing silently again at my zoning out, I rushed to Yume's room and hurried them into getting all their stuff and going to the movies.  I was bored of waiting anyways.  Although, I really didn't want to find out about Kenshu's other friend.  Tetsu was enough to deal with.  Really.  Honestly.  Truthfully.

Kenshu and Tetsu were in the front seat while Yume, Momoko and I were cramped in the backseats.

A few minutes of silent driving, Momoko spoke up, "We're not going to drive like this home.  My legs are getting numb."

Kenshu shrugged, "We'll do another seating arrangement or something.  No worries."

I glanced out at the window and watched as the people walked on the streets.  Some were taking their sweet time as if they had all the time in the world, some were rushing like there was no tomorrow, some were sitting on the streets...  I looked away.  Every time I see a beggar, I feel my heart clenching, knowing how lucky I was.  Then I looked back out.  I saw children playing without a care, I see parents chasing after their children, I see old people meandering on the streets, I see couples holding each other carefully with love.  I feel envious.

I sighed.

_Haku__...  It's been so many years...  When are you going to come?  When are you going to fulfill your promise?  I miss you so much, it's unbelievable._

Another couple minutes of glancing out, admiring the scenery and envying as well as pitying some people on the streets, we arrived.  We each paid for our own tickets and in Kenshu's case, he paid for both his as well as Yume's.  The movie started at nine.

We went in to buy popcorn and such; I only got a drink considering I wasn't too thrilled with popcorn.  It got stuck in my teeth and it irritated me to no end at all.  When I was in line, I heard Kenshu yell out and I turned around to see him waving at someone.  Then crossing my fingers and hoping it wasn't someone like Tetsu, my eyesight turned to where Kenshu was looking at.

I stopped breathing.  At first, the distinction was hard to tell, but it was definitely the same person.  His hair was cut short, his eyes as green as I remembered them, he was in casual clothes.  He was in a green sweater that made his eyes shine out, and his faded jeans fit perfectly.  I felt lightheaded.  My chest tightened immediately and I felt my heart stop beating...

Then his eyes met mine.  His hard green eyes, those that did not show much emotion...  But they softened.  He walked towards me and I felt as if everyone around me had disappeared.  Nobody existed except him and I.

I had pictured our meeting to be different than this.  A lot different.  For one, none of my friends around would be around to witness it.  Then I would be so joyful and I would go up to him and hug him and start weeping.  Or I could always be surprised from my back when he wrapped his arms around me.  Or covered my eyes and asked who it was.  Or even showing up at my school when I was younger without notice.  I would even picture him coming to where I worked with a bouquet of flowers.  Maybe even show up at my door with flowers...  Or...  Or...  But not like this.

"Chihiro..."  He whispered quietly, emotionally.

I felt my eyes water and I had to swallow once, twice...  I bit my lips softly, wanting so much to be real...

"Chihiro..."

A sob.  "...Haku...?"  Are you real?  Or are you my imagination?

He came towards me again and when he was about to embrace me, I felt my throat clog up.  "It's me.  Haku."

Hesitation.  Then I closed my eyes.

_Oh dear God.  Please let this be real.  Please...  Please...  I cannot handle this.  Please let this be real and not my hallucination._

I snapped my eyes opened and mumbled a feeble 'excuse me' before I dashed to the washroom.  I saw Haku's look of surprise cross his face.

_Sorry...  I cannot handle this right now.  Give me a while to let me calm down.  Please..._

_I love you Haku.  And I'm sorry._

_I love you._

Marie the Black Rose – Thanks a bunch!

Safreil – Thanks!  It's a prologue now =]

PenPusherM – I'm glad you enjoyed it.  Thank you for the support.

x3 – Thanks!  It's a prologue!

Queen Diamond – Thanks.  I will continue it.

loveandpeace – Thanks!

Lanie Kay-Aleese – Thanks!  Haha, yea, thanks for pointing out the typo! =]

Kira R. Chan – Thanks!  This will have an ending...  Whenever I'm done the fic =]

M.S.K – Thanks!

Author's Notes: There it is, my first chapter!  Hope you all enjoy it!  Thank you for reading =]  Those who want to be on my mailing list, please leave your email =]  Oh, and to those of you noticing the change in the atmosphere from this chapter to the prologue, it was made this way.  It's just to hint what kind of person Chihiro is.  She has a public face (for everyone in the world) and a face for herself.  It's just how I picture her after the Spirit World incident.  Hope you don't mind and thank you all for supporting!  Ideas or anything welcomed, as long as they're not flames =  They hurt =[  Thanks!

Monday, May 17, 2004


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